I busted a mirror and got seven years bad luck. But my lawyer thinks he can get me five.

I washed mud off of mud.

Day 1 -- Still tired from the move. Day 2 -- Everybody talks to me like I'm an idiot.

I have two pairs of reading glasses. One pair is for reading fiction, the other for non-fiction. I've read the Bible twice wearing each pair, and it's the same.

If Dracula can't see his reflection in a mirror, how come his hair is always so neatly combed?

When I was five years old I was on a merry go round. There was a gunshot nearby. The horses stampeded. There I was running down the street on a purple wooden horse.

What do you do when you see an endangered animal that eats only endangered plants?