Isn't Disney World a people trap operated by a mouse?
I installed a skylight in my apartment... the people who live above me are furious!
All of the people in my building are insane. The guy above me designs synthetic hairballs for ceramic cats.
Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.
I didn't tell any of my friends that I wanted to be a comedian, because I was superstitious. I thought if I told people, it wouldn't happen. So I kept it all in my head for years and years.
I have an answering machine in my car. It says, I'm home now. But leave a message and I'll call when I'm out.