I was born. When I was 23 I started telling jokes. Then I started going on television and doing films. That's still what I am doing. The end.

Last night I stayed up late playing poker with Tarot cards. I got a full house and four people died.

Sometimes I talk to myself in languages I'm unfamiliar with... just to screw with my subconscious.

I eat swiss cheese. But I only nibble on it. I make the holes bigger.

Laughing stock: cattle with a sense of humor.

My nephew has HDADHD. High Definition Attention Deficit Disorder. He can barely pay attention, but when he does it's unbelievably clear.

It seems like we wake up and it's a race until you get to bed. It gets to you after a while and you think, 'What the hell am I doing?'