The things I talk about and explain couldn't happen - yet, they don't seem impossible - you could say I talk about the world in an abstract perspective. But then, the world is basically insane - and it's trying to pass itself off as being a sane place. I show it for what it is.

I play the harmonica. The only way I can play is if I get my car going really fast, and stick it out the window.

My friend Sally is a nudist. I went to her house. The closets have no doors. The walls are covered with see-through wallpaper.

I was watching the Superbowl with my 92 year old grandfather. The team scored a touchdown. They showed the instant replay. He thought they scored another one. I was gonna tell him, but I figured the game HE was watching was better.

I took a course in speed waiting. Now I can wait an hour in only ten minutes.

Only one in four jokes ever works, and I still can't predict what people will laugh at.

Curiosity killed the cat, but for a while I was a suspect.