Day 1 -- Still tired from the move. Day 2 -- Everybody talks to me like I'm an idiot.

I just got this new camera. It's very advanced - you don't even need it.

I always thought Johnny Carson was just brilliant, and I used to watch him and all the comics that would be on the show every night - and I'd dream about it being me.

One day, when I came home from work, I accidentally put my car key in the door of my apartment building. I turned it, and the whole building started up. So I drove it around. A policeman stopped me for going too fast. He said, "Where do you live?" I said, "Right here!" Then I drove my building onto the middle of a highway, and I ran outside, and told all of the cars to get the hell out of my driveway.

When I was crossing the border into Canada, they asked if I had any firearms with me. I said, 'Well, what do you need?'

I just have a relationship with my imagination. It's like my friend, almost.

I had just received my degree in Calcium Anthropology... the study of milkmen.