Day 1 -- Still tired from the move. Day 2 -- Everybody talks to me like I'm an idiot.

I was in a grocery store. I saw a sign that said 'pet supplies.' So I did. Then I went outside and saw a sign that said, 'Compact cars.

It usually helps me write by reading - somehow the reading gear in your head turns the writing gear.

If you got into a taxi and the driver started driving backward, would the taxi driver end up owing you money?

How come you don't ever hear about gruntled employees? And who has been dis-ing them anyhow?

If at first you don't succeed, then skydiving definitely isn't for you.

Winny would spend all of his time practicing limbo. He got pretty good. He could go under a rug.