I took a course in speed waiting. Now I can wait an hour in only ten minutes.

In hindsight, I realized I could see into the future. Which is kind of like having premonitions of flashbacks.

If heat rises, then heaven must be hotter than hell

I bought my brother some gift-wrap for Christmas. I took it to the gift wrap department and told them to wrap it, but in a different print so he would know when to stop unwrapping.

I put contact lenses in my dog's eyes. They had little pictures of cats on them. Then I took one out and he ran around in circles.

I invented the cordless extension cord.

I was an only child, eventually.