I'm writing an unauthorized autobiography.

I took a course in speed waiting. Now I can wait an hour in only ten minutes.

When I was a kid I had a friend who worked in a radio station. Whenever we walked under a bridge, you couldn't hear what he said.

In my house on the ceilings I have paintings of the rooms above... so I never have to go upstairs.

When I was five years old I was on a merry go round. There was a gunshot nearby. The horses stampeded. There I was running down the street on a purple wooden horse.

I was an only child, eventually.

I'm used to seeing it, but it's weird having an Academy Award. You usually only see one of them on the TV show when they give them out, so it's kind of surreal to have one in your house.