I was thinking that women should put pictures of missing husbands on beer cans.

always remember your unique, just like everone else

Whose cruel idea was it for the word “lisp” to have an “s” in it?

How many people does it take to change a searchlight bulb?

The other night I was lying in bed, looking up at the stars, and I wondered, 'Where the hell is my roof?

I'm not afraid of heights. I'm afraid of widths.

I paint; I draw and paint - I've been doing that since I was in third grade, drawing realistically and then changing to abstract art. That was my first creative thing before guitar or comedy.