I saw a vegetarian wearing a furry coat. so I looked closer. it was made of grass.

I had a friend who was a clown. When he died, all his friends went to the funeral in one car.

I bought some powdered water, but I don’t know what to add.

I got an answering machine for my phone. . . . Now, when I'm not home and somebody calls me up . . . they hear a recording of a busy signal.

Women... can't live with 'em...... can't shoot 'em

When I get real bored, I like to drive downtown and get a great parking spot, then sit in my car and count how many people ask if I'm leaving.

The lady across the hall tried to rob a department store . . . with a pricing gun. She said, "Give me all of the money in the vault, or I'm marking down everything in the store."