Last night somebody broke into my apartment and replaced everything with exact duplicates... When I pointed it out to my roommate, he said, "Do I know you?

My favorite book is anything by Kurt Vonnegut - he's my literary hero. I got to meet him several times, which was a great thrill for me. I don't really remember what we talked about.

I was skydiving horizontally.

I moved into an all-electric house. I forgot and left the porch light on all day. When I got home the front door wouldn't open.

I've been thinking of humorous things since I was... I can't remember when. All the way through elementary school, all the way through junior high, all the way through high school, through college and after college, I was thinking of the same kinds of things that I say in front of an audience now.

How come Superman could stop bullets with his chest, but always ducked when someone threw a gun at him?

Do fish get cramps after eating?