Last night somebody broke into my apartment and replaced everything with exact duplicates... When I pointed it out to my roommate, he said, "Do I know you?

I have a map of the united states .... it's original size ... it says one mile equals one mile.

A friend of mine is into Voodoo Acupuncture. You don't have to go. You'll just be walking down the street and . . . ooooohhhhhh, that's much better.

Babies don't need a vacation. But I still see them at the beach. It pisses me off.

Why, in a country of free speech, are there phone bills?

Always try to be modest, and be proud of it!

I like to reminisce with people I don't know.