What do you do when you see an endangered animal that eats only endangered plants?

I'm standing behind a wall of jokes. You don't know about my personal life, my girlfriends, or what I do when I'm not on the road. There's this guy, this comedian, and this is how he thinks, but people really don't know anything about me.

Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard? Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?

If a man says something in the woods and there are no women there, is he still wrong?

Why isn't the number 11 pronounced onety one?

I put contact lenses in my dog's eyes. They had little pictures of cats on them. Then I took one out and he ran around in circles.

I liked school, but I used to dread those moments when the teacher would call me up to give an oral report. I forced myself to deal with it and not dwell on the class in front of me - to keep a straight face, give the report and concentrate on getting it right. That's normally how I perform. That's how I am.