I collect rare photographs... I have two... One of Houdini locking his keys in his car... the other is a rare picture of Norman Rockwell beating up a child.

A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.

If vegetarians eat vegetables, what do humanitarians eat

Support bacteria - they're the only culture some people have.

I am writing a book. So far I have the pages numbered.

Imagine Oshkosh straitjackets for little insane children.

I bought an ant farm. I don't know where I am going to get a tractor that small!