It seems like we wake up and it's a race until you get to bed. It gets to you after a while and you think, 'What the hell am I doing?'

My grandfather gave me a watch. It doesn't have any hands or numbers. He says it's very accurate. I asked him what time it was. You can guess what he told me.

For my birthday I got a humidifier and a de-humidifier... I put them in the same room and let them fight it out.

There's something about being in front of a live audience that's fun. It's a really interesting, very electric, very alive, and intense experience, and you can't get it anywhere else. And I've been doing it since I was 23, so it's part of my being - it's part of my fabric as a person.

It's a fine night to have an evening.

Yesterday I parked my car in a tow-away zone...when I came back the entire area was missing.

My girlfriend does her nails with white-out. When she's asleep, I go over there and write misspelled words on them.