The other day I ... no wait, that wasn't me.
I went camping and borrowed a circus tent by mistake. I didn't notice until I got it set up. People complained because they couldn't see the lake.
I wish the first word I ever said was the word "quote", so right before I die I could say "unquote".
Whatever happened to preparations A through G?
I intend to live forever. So far, so good.
You know what scares me? When you have to be nice to some paranoid schizophrenic, just because she lives in your head.