Always try to be modest, and be proud of it!

While I was gone, somebody rearranged on the furniture in my bedroom. They put it in exactly the same place it was. When I told my roommate, he said: "Do I know you?"

When I get real bored, I like to drive downtown and get a great parking spot, then sit in my car and count how many people ask if I'm leaving.

Why is a carrot more orange than an orange?

My aunt gave me a walkie-talkie for my birthday. She says if I'm good, she'll give me the other one next year.

Right now I’m having amnesia and déjà vu at the same time. I think I’ve forgotten this before.

I got a chain letter by fax. It's very simple. You just fax a dollar bill to everybody on the list.