I have all the emotions that everyone has; it just appears that I don't.

When I was 16... I worked in a pet store. And they fired me because... they had three snakes in there, and one day I braided them.

I went to a general store but they wouldn't let me buy anything specific.

If you are in a spaceship that is traveling at the speed of light, and you turn on the headlights, does anything happen?

Do fish get cramps after eating?

I was in a grocery store. I saw a sign that said 'pet supplies.' So I did. Then I went outside and saw a sign that said, 'Compact cars.

Officer, I know I was going faster than 55MPH, but I wasn't going to be on the road an hour.