If vegetarians eat vegetables, what do humanitarians eat

I live at the end of a dead end one way street. I don't know how I got there.

I put a new engine in my car, but forgot to take the old one out. Now my car goes 500 miles per hour. The harmonica sounds amazing.

Hermits have no peer pressure.

While I was gone, somebody rearranged on the furniture in my bedroom. They put it in exactly the same place it was. When I told my roommate, he said: "Do I know you?"

Day 1 -- Still tired from the move. Day 2 -- Everybody talks to me like I'm an idiot.

When I get real bored, I like to drive downtown and get a great parking spot, then sit in my car and count how many people ask if I'm leaving.