I rented a lottery ticket. I won a million dollars. But I had to give it back.
I have all the emotions that everyone has; it just appears that I don't.
I have a paper cut from writing my suicide note. It's a start.
I hooked up my accelerator pedal in my car to my brake lights. I hit the gas, people behind me stop, and I'm gone.
Ever notice how irons have a setting for permanent press? I don't get it.
I got pulled over by a cop, and he said, 'do you know the speed limit here is 55 miles per hour?'. So I said, 'oh, that's OK, I'm not going that far.'