The Stones, I love the Stones. I watch them whenever I can. Fred, Barney.

If you got into a taxi and the driver started driving backward, would the taxi driver end up owing you money?

I got a dog and named him 'Stay'. Now, I go 'Come here, Stay!' After a while, the dog went insane and wouldn't move at all.

All of the people in my building are insane. The guy above me designs synthetic hairballs for ceramic cats.

To me, comedy is just twisting reality. It's commenting or observing or twisting life.

What do you do when you see an endangered animal that eats only endangered plants?

What a nice night for an evening.