The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese
My girlfriend's weird. One day she asked me, 'If you could know how and when you were going to die, would you want to know?' I said, 'No.' She said, 'Okay, forget it.
You can't have everything. Where would you put it?
I have not lost my mind - it's backed up on disk somewhere.
Yesterday I told a chicken to cross the road. It said, "What for?"
Last night somebody broke into my apartment and replaced everything with exact duplicates... When I pointed it out to my roommate, he said, "Do I know you?