Last week I forgot how to ride a bicycle.

To the audience, it's like I'm changing the subject every five seconds, but to me, my show's almost like a 90-minute song that I know exactly. I wrote every note, and I know exactly where everything is.

I'm not afraid of heights. I'm afraid of widths.

Why don't they make the whole plane out of that black box stuff.

I saw a small bottle of cologne and asked if it was for sale. She said, "It's free with purchase." I asked her if anyone bought anything toda

I had a dream that all the babies prevented by the pill showed up. They were mad.

I have a paper cut from writing my suicide note. It's a start.