Last week I forgot how to ride a bicycle.

I didn't tell any of my friends that I wanted to be a comedian, because I was superstitious. I thought if I told people, it wouldn't happen. So I kept it all in my head for years and years.

43.7 per cent of all statistics are made up on the spot.

A metaphor is like a simile.

Good jokes are gems. A good idea is hard to come by. I couldn't give them to someone else, even for money. It just wouldn't seem right.

I have a large sea shell collection which I keep scattered on beaches all over the world. Maybe you've seen it.

I went to San Francisco. I found someone’s heart.