I was sad because I had no shoes, until I met a man who had no feet. So I said, "Got any shoes you’re not using?

Hermits have no peer pressure.

I went to the museum where they had all the heads and arms from the statues that are in all the other museums.

Yesterday I told a chicken to cross the road. It said, "What for?"

You can't have everything. Where would you put it?

You know how it is when you’re walking up the stairs, and you get to the top, and you think there’s one more step? I’m like that all the time.

To the audience, it's like I'm changing the subject every five seconds, but to me, my show's almost like a 90-minute song that I know exactly. I wrote every note, and I know exactly where everything is.