I was sad because I had no shoes, until I met a man who had no feet. So I said, "Got any shoes you’re not using?

Why don't they just make mouse-flavored cat food?

I wish the first word I ever said was the word "quote", so right before I die I could say "unquote".

For my sister's 50th birthday, I sent her a singing mammogram.

I bought some powdered water, but I don’t know what to add.

Do Lipton employees take coffee breaks?

I can't stop thinking like this.