I was sad because I had no shoes, until I met a man who had no feet. So I said, "Got any shoes you’re not using?

A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.

What do you do when you see an endangered animal that eats only endangered plants?

I spent all my money on a FAX machine. Now I can only FAX collect.

Last night I stayed up late playing poker with Tarot cards. I got a full house and four people died.

Does fuzzy logic tickle?

I parked in the tow-away zone, and when I got back, the entire neighborhood was gone.