I was sad because I had no shoes, until I met a man who had no feet. So I said, "Got any shoes you’re not using?

I named my dog Stay, so I can say, 'Come here, Stay! Come here, Stay!

Do you think that when they asked George Washington for ID that he just whipped out a quarter?

I was in a job interview and I opened a book and started reading. Then I said to the guy 'Let me ask you a question. If you are in a spaceship that is traveling at the speed of light, and you turn on the headlights, does anything happen?' He said 'I don't know'. I said 'I don't want your job'.

I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize.

I was born by Caesarian section . . . but not so you'd notice. It's just that when I leave a house, I go out through the window.

The older you get, the more you learn to see what you've been taught to see. When you're a kid, you see what's there.