For my sister's 50th birthday, I sent her a singing mammogram.

If you tell a joke in the forest, but nobody laughs, was it a joke?

The other night I was lying in bed, looking up at the stars, and I wondered, 'Where the hell is my roof?

A beautiful woman moved in next door. So I went over and returned a cup of sugar. She said, "You didn't borrow this." I said, " I will!"

Do fish get cramps after eating?

I like to fill my tub up with water, then turn the shower on and act like I'm in a submarine that's been hit .

The sun got confused about daylight savings time. It rose twice. Everything had two shadows.