I was in the first submarine. Instead of a periscope, they had a kaleidoscope. "We're surrounded."

I have all the emotions that everyone has; it just appears that I don't.

They say we're 98% water. We're that close to drowning. I like to live on the edge.

Ever wonder what the speed of lightning would be if it didn't zigzag?

I spent all my money on a FAX machine. Now I can only FAX collect.

I plugged my phone in where the blender used to be. I called someone. They went "Aaaaahhhh..."

I saw a want ad. "light housekeeping." They said "Here, change this bulb." I said "I'll need some friends."