I was in the first submarine. Instead of a periscope, they had a kaleidoscope. "We're surrounded."

If it’s zero degrees outside today and it’s supposed to be twice as cold tomorrow, how cold is it going to be?

When I was a little kid we had a sand box. It was a quicksand box. I was an only child... eventually.

My socks DO match. They're the same thickness.

The doctor says he has to amputate all of me.

I got an answering machine for my phone. . . . Now, when I'm not home and somebody calls me up . . . they hear a recording of a busy signal.

I put hardwood floors on top of wall-to-wall carpet.