I was born by Caesarian section . . . but not so you'd notice. It's just that when I leave a house, I go out through the window.

Do radioactive cats have eighteen half-lives?

I bought a cheap piece of land... It was on someone else’s property.

It's a good thing we have gravity or else when birds died they'd just stay right up there. Hunters would be all confused.

If a man says something in the woods and there are no women there, is he still wrong?

The best kind of friend is the kind you sit with, never say a word and walk away feeling like it was the best conversation you ever had.

If people from Poland are called Poles, why aren't people from Holland called Holes?