I bought a cheap piece of land... It was on someone else’s property.

I like to fill my tub up with water, then turn the shower on and act like I'm in a submarine that's been hit .

A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.

Like other kids wanted to become firemen or astronauts, I wanted to make people laugh.

I bought an ant farm. I don't know where I am going to get a tractor that small!

What do you do when you see an endangered animal that eats only endangered plants?

I like George Carlin's jokes. I like his humor. He's one of my heroes, and I like what he did with talking about everyday things.