Curiosity killed the cat, but for a while I was a suspect.

Tell a man that there are 400 billion stars and he'll believe you. Tell him a bench has wet paint and he has to touch it.

I love eating chocolate cake and ice cream after a show. I almost justify it in my mind as, 'You were a good boy onstage and you did your show, so now you can have some cake and ice cream.'

Isn't the best way to save face to keep the lower part shut?

Why is a person who plays the piano called a pianist but a person who drives a racing car not called a racist?

Why is the alphabet in that order? Is it because of that song?

Babies don't need a vacation. But I still see them at the beach. It pisses me off.