What would a chair look like if your knees bent the other way?

If it’s zero degrees outside today and it’s supposed to be twice as cold tomorrow, how cold is it going to be?

I hate it when my leg falls asleep. I know that means it's going to be up all night.

The colder the X-ray table, the more of your body is required to be on it.

I busted a mirror and got seven years bad luck. But my lawyer thinks he can get me five.

I got a new shadow. I had to get rid of the other one – it wasn’t doing what I was doing.

Imagine Pulitzer prizefighting.