My theory of evolution is that Darwin was adopted.
I went to a 7-11 and asked for a 2x4 and a box of 3x5's. The clerk said, "ten-four."
99% of lawyers give the rest a bad name.
Snakes have no arms. That's why they don't wear vests.
I have a map of the United States... Actual size. It says, 'Scale: 1 mile = 1 mile.' I spent last summer folding it. I hardly ever unroll it. People ask me where I live, and I say, 'E6.
Having sex with her is incredible. It's just like a concert. We throw Frisbees around the room. And when she wants more she lights a match.