A cop stopped me for speeding/ He said, 'Why were you going so fast?' I said, 'See this thing my foot is on? It's called an accelerator. When you push down on it, it sends more gas to the engine. The whole car just takes right off. And see this thing [mimes steering wheel]? This steers it'
Steven WrightI put a new engine in my car, but forgot to take the old one out. Now my car goes 500 miles per hour. The harmonica sounds amazing.
Steven WrightI was in the first submarine. Instead of a periscope, they had a kaleidoscope. "We're surrounded."
Steven WrightYesterday I saw a chicken crossing the road. I asked it why. It told me it was none of my business.
Steven Wright