Why is a carrot more orange than an orange?
People think my friend George is weird because he wears sideburns...behind his ears. I think he's weird because he wears false teeth...with braces on them.
I woke up one morning, and all of my stuff had been stolen and replaced by exact duplicates".
Be nice to your children. After all, they are going to choose your nursing home.
Four years ago... no, it was yesterday.
My girlfriend's weird. One day she asked me, 'If you could know how and when you were going to die, would you want to know?' I said, 'No.' She said, 'Okay, forget it.