If the universe is everything, and scientists say that the universe is expanding, what is it expanding into?

I was skydiving horizontally.

I have not lost my mind - it's backed up on disk somewhere.

I love eating chocolate cake and ice cream after a show. I almost justify it in my mind as, 'You were a good boy onstage and you did your show, so now you can have some cake and ice cream.'

Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.

If your car could travel at the speed of light, would your headlights work?

I tried to hang myself with a bungee cord. I kept almost dying.