Someone asked me, if I were stranded on a desert island what book would I bring... 'How to Build a Boat.'

Babies don't need a vacation. But I still see them at the beach. It pisses me off.

If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?

Consciousness: That annoying time between naps

I saw a vegetarian wearing a furry coat. so I looked closer. it was made of grass.

I'm seeing the world partially through the eyes of a kid. Not all the time. There's no black and white to it. But sometimes I'm seeing it like I'm 4.

There was a power outage at a department store yesterday. Twenty people were trapped on the escalators.