Someone asked me, if I were stranded on a desert island what book would I bring... 'How to Build a Boat.'

If you were going to shoot a mime, would you use a silencer?

I have an inferiority complex, but it’s not a very good one.

If you tell a joke in the forest, but nobody laughs, was it a joke?

I wrote a few children's books... not on purpose.

I have a paper cut from writing my suicide note. It's a start.

I got a new dog. He's a paranoid retriever. He brings back everything because he's not sure what I threw him.