Plan to be spontaneous tomorrow.

I bought a self learning record to learn Spanish. I turned it on and went to sleep; the record got stuck. The next day I could only stutter in Spanish.

I got a new dog. He's a paranoid retriever. He brings back everything because he's not sure what I threw him.

I saw a subliminal advertising executive, but only for a second.

My aunt gave me a walkie-talkie for my birthday. She says if I'm good, she'll give me the other one next year.

Last night somebody broke into my apartment and replaced everything with exact duplicates... When I pointed it out to my roommate, he said, "Do I know you?

I went down the street to the 24-hour grocery. When I got there, the guy was locking the front door. I said, 'Hey, the sign says you're open 24 hours.' He said, 'Yes, but not in a row.'