Childhood was very nice. The only thing wrong was that I was so introverted, everything became a big deal... 'Oh, no, here comes the bus. Where am I gonna sit on the bus?'

I used to work in a fire hydrant factory. You couldn't park anywhere near the place.

People think my friend George is weird because he wears sideburns...behind his ears. I think he's weird because he wears false teeth...with braces on them.

I replaced the headlights in my car with strobe lights, so it looks like I'm the only one moving.

Is it possible to be totally partial?

I was skydiving horizontally.

A friend of mine is into Voodoo Acupuncture. You don't have to go. You'll just be walking down the street and . . . ooooohhhhhh, that's much better.