I had a friend who was a clown. When he died, all his friends went to the funeral in one car.

The sun never sets on the British Empire. But it rises every morning. The sky must get awfully crowded.

I eat swiss cheese. But I only nibble on it. I make the holes bigger.

Last night I fell asleep in a satellite dish. My dreams were broadcast all over the world.

If you shoot a Mime, do you need to use a silencer?

Today I dialed a wrong number... The other person said, "Hello?" and I said, "Hello, could I speak to Joey?"... They said, "Uh... I don't think so... he's only 2 months old." I said, "I'll wait."

If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it?