I got pulled over by a cop, and he said, 'do you know the speed limit here is 55 miles per hour?'. So I said, 'oh, that's OK, I'm not going that far.'

If I melt dry ice, can I swim without getting wet?

I got food poisoning today. I don't know when I'll use it.

The other day I went to a tourist information booth and asked, 'Tell me about some of the people who were here last year.

Do radioactive cats have eighteen half-lives?

I used to be an airline pilot. I got fired because I kept locking the keys in the plane. They caught me on an 80 foot stepladder with a coat hanger.

If a cow laughed, would milk come out her nose?