I live at the end of a dead end one way street. I don't know how I got there.

Women... can't live with 'em...... can't shoot 'em

Babies don't need a vacation, but I still see them at the beach... it pisses me off! I'll go over to a little baby and say 'What are you doing here? You haven't worked a day in your life!'

Is it true that cannibals don't eat clowns because they taste funny?

I stayed in a really old hotel last night. They sent me a wake-up letter.

It's very intense to be in front of a live audience. It's just an amazing experience. It's dangerous. Everything out there is heightened. The bad stuff is extra-worse. The silences are extra-silent. The good stuff is amazing. It's electric when you walk out there. For 90 minutes, you're on this other planet.

Why isn’t the word “phonetically” spelled with an “f”?