I live at the end of a dead end one way street. I don't know how I got there.

I recently went to the hardware store and I bought some used paint... it was in a shape of a house. I also bought some batteries, but they weren't included. So I had to buy them again.

When I was on TV in the '80s, I wasn't thinking, 'There's a 10-year-old kid watching this and in 15 years, he's gonna be doing stuff that was influenced by me.' I was trying to get my five minutes together. So now that those people are comedians and they're influenced by me - it's bizarre.

I spent all my money on a FAX machine. Now I can only FAX collect.

What do you do when you see an endangered animal that eats only endangered plants?

If people from Poland are called Poles, why aren't people from Holland called Holes?

I just got lost in thought. It was unfamiliar territory.