When I was a kid, I never did funny things to get attention. I was never a funny person. I was never, like, 'Oh, wow. I could say this some day on stage.'
No one is listening until you make a mistake.
The sky is falling. No, I'm tipping over backwards.
I worked in a health food store once. A guy asked me, 'If I melt dry ice, can I take a bath without getting wet?
I am writing a book. So far I have the pages numbered.
There's a pizza place near where I live that sells only slices. In the back, you can see a guy tossing a triangle in the air.