I live at the end of a dead end one way street. I don't know how I got there.

In a lot of ways, success is much harder than I thought it would be. I figured that you'd get here and then everything would be happily ever after. But, it's hard work, almost harder once you're successful because you've got to maintain it.

My friend has a baby. I'm recording all the noises he makes so later I can ask him what he meant.

Doing a little work around the house. I put fake brick wallpaper over a real brick wall, just so I'd be the only one who knew. People come over and I'm gonna say, "Go ahead, touch it... it feels real."

I plugged my phone in where the blender used to be. I called someone. They went "Aaaaahhhh..."

It's a small world, but I wouldn't want to have to paint it.

If you tell a joke in the forest, but nobody laughs, was it a joke?