I once locked my keys out of my car. I had to break out of my car with a coat hanger.

I brought a mirror to Lovers' Lane. I told everybody I'm Narcissus.

Two babies were born on the same day at the same hospital. They lay there and looked at each other. Their families came and took them away. Eighty years later, by a bizarre coincidence, they lay in the same hospital, on their deathbeds, next to each other. One of them looked at the other and said, 'So, what did you think?

I recently went to the hardware store and I bought some used paint... it was in a shape of a house. I also bought some batteries, but they weren't included. So I had to buy them again.

When I was in boy scouts, I slipped on the ice and hurt my ankle. A little old lady had to help me across the street.

All those who believe in psychokinesis - raise my hand.

I saw a subliminal advertising executive, but only for a second.