Ever notice how irons have a setting for permanent press? I don't get it.
Whenever I think of the past, it brings back so many memories.
I poured spot remover on my dog. Now he's gone.
I have a quantum car. Every time I look at the speedometer I get lost.
A lot of people are afraid of heights. Not me, I'm afraid of widths.
I don't go off and sit down and try to write material, because then it's contrived and forced. I just live my life, and I see things in a word or a situation or a concept, and it will create a joke for me.