[Referring to a glass of water:] I mixed this myself. Two parts H, one part O. I don't trust anybody!

If a tree falls in the forest and no one is around to see it, do the other trees make fun of it?

Sponges grow in the ocean. That just kills me. I wonder how much deeper the ocean would be if that didn't happen.

If one synchronised swimmer drowns, do all the rest have to drown too?

My dental hygienist is cute. Every time I visit, I eat a whole package of Oreo cookies while waiting in the lobby. Sometimes she has to cancel the rest of the afternoon's appointments.

I like to reminisce with people I don't know.

Women... can't live with 'em...... can't shoot 'em