One time a cop pulled me over for running a stop sign. He said, "Didn't you see the stop sign?" I said, "Yeah, but I don't believe everything I read"

Yesterday I saw a chicken crossing the road. I asked it why. It told me it was none of my business.

In a lot of ways, success is much harder than I thought it would be. I figured that you'd get here and then everything would be happily ever after. But, it's hard work, almost harder once you're successful because you've got to maintain it.

Why don't they make the whole plane out of that black box stuff.

I met this wonderful girl at Macy's. She was buying clothes and I was putting Slinkies on the escalator.

The other day I went to a tourist information booth and asked, 'Tell me about some of the people who were here last year.

I have not lost my mind - it's backed up on disk somewhere.