It's like the Wild West, the Internet. There are no rules.

I had my coat hangers spayed.

My act is an exaggeration of a part of me. I'm much more expressive off stage.

I'd like to sing you a song now about my old girlfriend. It's called "They'll Find Her When the Leaves Blow Away 'Cause I'm Not Raking 'Til Spring."

A friend of mine is into Voodoo Acupuncture. You don't have to go. You'll just be walking down the street and . . . ooooohhhhhh, that's much better.

Why is it, when a door is open it's ajar, but when a jar is open, it's not a door?

My friend Winnie is a procrastinator. He didn't get his birth mark til he was eight years old.