The older you get, the more you learn to see what you've been taught to see. When you're a kid, you see what's there.

I've been doing comedy longer than I haven't been doing comedy, as I was performing for three years before I even got on 'The Tonight Show.' There's truly nothing like it; it's intense and exhilarating, even though it looks so casual.

Yesterday I saw a chicken crossing the road. I asked it why. It told me it was none of my business.

What's another word for Thesaurus?

Is it true that cannibals don't eat clowns because they taste funny?

In my house on the ceilings I have paintings of the rooms above... so I never have to go upstairs.

If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?