When I was crossing the border into Canada, they asked if I had any firearms with me. I said, 'Well, what do you need?'
I have all the emotions that everyone has; it just appears that I don't.
The other day I went to a tourist information booth and asked, 'Tell me about some of the people who were here last year.
Don't you hate when your hand falls asleep and you know it will be up all night.
I put instant coffee in a microwave oven and almost went back in time.
People think my friend George is weird because he wears sideburns...behind his ears. I think he's weird because he wears false teeth...with braces on them.