I just got out of the hospital. I was in a speed-reading accident. I hit a bookmark.

I met this wonderful girl at Macy's. She was buying clothes and I was putting Slinkies on the escalator.

I drive way too fast to worry about cholesterol.

Laughing stock: cattle with a sense of humor.

A conscience is what hurts when all your other parts feel so good.

I saw a tree fall in the woods, and I didn't hear it.

I bought some instant water one time but I didn't know what to add to it.