I just got out of the hospital. I was in a speed-reading accident. I hit a bookmark.

I had amnesia once or twice.

Today I dialed a wrong number... The other person said, "Hello?" and I said, "Hello, could I speak to Joey?"... They said, "Uh... I don't think so... he's only 2 months old." I said, "I'll wait."

I bought a dog the other day. . . . I named him Stay. It's fun to call him. . . . "Come here, Stay! Come here, Stay!" He went insane. Now he just ignores me and keeps typing.

The Stones, I love the Stones. I watch them whenever I can. Fred, Barney.

If a tree falls in the forest and no one is around to see it, do the other trees make fun of it?

My neighbor has a circular driveway... he can't get out.