Why, in a country of free speech, are there phone bills?

Real life? Well, I just hope mine isn't investigated. They might find that I don't really exist - that I'm just a hologram.

If Dracula can't see his reflection in a mirror, how come his hair is always so neatly combed?

How can there be self-help groups?

Someone asked me, if I were stranded on a desert island what book would I bring... 'How to Build a Boat.'

Half the people you know are below average.

I think God's going to come down and pull civilization over for speeding.