If your car could travel at the speed of light, would your headlights work?
What do batteries run on?
I kept a diary right after I was born. Day 1: Tired from the move. Day 2: Everyone thinks I'm an idiot.
I don't get up, get dressed, go out, and think, 'Okay, I gotta find eight jokes.'
To me, comedy is just twisting reality. It's commenting or observing or twisting life.
Yesterday, my eyeglass prescription ran out.