Why, in a country of free speech, are there phone bills?

I’m a psychic amnesiac. I know in advance what I’ll forget.

My house is made out of balsa wood, so when I want to scare the neighborhood kids I lift it over my head and tell them to get out of my yard or I'll throw it at them.

The hardness of the butter is proportional to the softness of the bread.

I used to own an ant farm but had to give it up. I couldn't find tractors small enough to fit it.

Sponges grow in the ocean. That just kills me. I wonder how much deeper the ocean would be if that didn't happen.

I went to San Francisco. I found someone’s heart.