When I woke up this morning my girlfriend asked me, 'Did you sleep good?' I said 'No, I made a few mistakes.'
My roommate got a pet elephant. Then it got lost. It's in the apartment somewhere.
I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize.
Why do they put pictures of criminals up in the Post Office? What are we supposed to do, write to them? Why don't they just put their pictures on the postage stamps so the postmen can look for them while they deliver the mail?
Do married people live longer than single people or does it just SEEM longer?
Imagine if birds were tickled by feathers. You'd see a flock of birds come by, laughing hysterically!