Do fish get cramps after eating?

Why don't they just make mouse-flavored cat food?

Why, in a country of free speech, are there phone bills?

If it's a penny for your thoughts and you put in your two cents worth, then someone, somewhere is making a penny.

I put a new engine in my car, but forgot to take the old one out. Now my car goes 500 miles per hour. The harmonica sounds amazing.

I went for a walk last night and she asked me how long I was going to be gone. I said, 'The whole time.

I was born. When I was 23 I started telling jokes. Then I started going on television and doing films. That's still what I am doing. The end.