I went to a garage sale. 'How much for the garage' 'It's not for sale.'
I wish the first word I ever said was the word "quote", so right before I die I could say "unquote".
Doing stand-up is like running across a frozen pond with the ice breaking behind you. I love it because it's dangerous.
A fool and his money are soon partying.
I think God's going to come down and pull civilization over for speeding.
Why do we wash bath towels? Aren't we clean when we use them?