Do fish get cramps after eating?

Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.

I was a peripheral visionary. I could see the future, but only way off to the side.

Why do banks charge you a "non-sufficient funds fee" on money they already know you don't have?

Doing stand-up is like running across a frozen pond with the ice breaking behind you. I love it because it's dangerous.

I'm standing behind a wall of jokes. You don't know about my personal life, my girlfriends, or what I do when I'm not on the road. There's this guy, this comedian, and this is how he thinks, but people really don't know anything about me.

Childhood was very nice. The only thing wrong was that I was so introverted, everything became a big deal... 'Oh, no, here comes the bus. Where am I gonna sit on the bus?'