If your car could travel at the speed of light, would your headlights work?

To the audience, it's like I'm changing the subject every five seconds, but to me, my show's almost like a 90-minute song that I know exactly. I wrote every note, and I know exactly where everything is.

I was in a grocery store. I saw a sign that said 'pet supplies.' So I did. Then I went outside and saw a sign that said, 'Compact cars.

I made a chocolate cake with white chocolate. Then I took it to a potluck. I stood in line for some cake. They said, "Do you want white cake or chocolate cake?" I said, "yes."

Last night I fell asleep in a satellite dish. My dreams were broadcast all over the world.

If one synchronised swimmer drowns, do all the rest have to drown too?

Yesterday I saw a chicken crossing the road. I asked it why. It told me it was none of my business.