I watched the Indy 500, and I was thinking that if they left earlier they wouldn't have to go so fast.

I finally got around to reading the dictionary. Turns out the Zebra did it.

I busted a mirror and got seven years bad luck. But my lawyer thinks he can get me five.

If it’s zero degrees outside today and it’s supposed to be twice as cold tomorrow, how cold is it going to be?

It's very intense to be in front of a live audience. It's just an amazing experience. It's dangerous. Everything out there is heightened. The bad stuff is extra-worse. The silences are extra-silent. The good stuff is amazing. It's electric when you walk out there. For 90 minutes, you're on this other planet.

If you had a million Shakespeares, could they write like a monkey?

At one point he decided enough was enough.