I watched the Indy 500, and I was thinking that if they left earlier they wouldn't have to go so fast.

I just got this new camera. It's very advanced - you don't even need it.

I was sad because I had no shoes, until I met a man who had no feet. So I said, "Got any shoes you’re not using?

Be nice to your children. After all, they are going to choose your nursing home.

I took a lie detector test the other day. No, I didn't.

Five out of four people have trouble with fractions.

I was skydiving horizontally.