It's a fine night to have an evening.

I like to talk about lint and coasters, the expansion of the universe and maybe McDonald's. I'm completely turned off by the idea of politics.

I took my dog for a walk... all the way from New York to Florida... I said to him "There now you're done."

I was thinking that women should put pictures of missing husbands on beer cans.

Do the people in Australia call the rest of the world 'Up Over'?

Is it true that cannibals don't eat clowns because they taste funny?

I wear a hat on stage so that people won't be blinded by the reflection from my head. Also, if I don't wear a hat, there's no way that the hat can be at that level by itself on the stage.