If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it?

If I ever had twins, I'd use one for parts.

If you saw a heat wave, would you wave back?

I love eating chocolate cake and ice cream after a show. I almost justify it in my mind as, 'You were a good boy onstage and you did your show, so now you can have some cake and ice cream.'

I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize.

Last week I forgot how to ride a bicycle.

I used to be a narrator for bad mimes.