The sun never sets on the British Empire. But it rises every morning. The sky must get awfully crowded.

I was trying to daydream, but my mind kept wandering.

I have a fax machine with "fax waiting".

Honestly, I just go to restaurants to eat so I won't die. If there was a pill I could take in January and then I wouldn't have to eat again for the rest of the year, I would take it. Of course, I wouldn't want to sacrifice my chocolate cake and ice cream.

I got a dog and named him 'Stay'. Now, I go 'Come here, Stay!' After a while, the dog went insane and wouldn't move at all.

I was in a grocery store. I saw a sign that said 'pet supplies.' So I did. Then I went outside and saw a sign that said, 'Compact cars.

I worked in a health food store once. A guy asked me, 'If I melt dry ice, can I take a bath without getting wet?