The sun never sets on the British Empire. But it rises every morning. The sky must get awfully crowded.

If you can't hear me, it's because I'm in parentheses.

Do Lipton employees take coffee breaks?

They say the universe is expanding. That should help with the traffic.

I have all the emotions that everyone has; it just appears that I don't.

You know when you're sitting on a chair and you lean back so you're just on two legs and you lean too far so you almost fall over but at the last second you catch yourself? I feel like that all the time.

I think God's going to come down and pull civilization over for speeding.