The sun never sets on the British Empire. But it rises every morning. The sky must get awfully crowded.

I just got lost in thought. It was unfamiliar territory.

The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese

I once tried to commit suicide by jumping off a building...I changed my mind at the last minute, so I just flipped over and landed on my feet. Two little kittens nearby saw what happened and one turns to the other and says, "See, that's how it's done."

When I was a fetus, I used to sneak out at night when my mother was sleeping. I figured I should start stealing stuff while I still had no fingerprints.

I bought a self learning record to learn Spanish. I turned it on and went to sleep; the record got stuck. The next day I could only stutter in Spanish.

What do you do when you see an endangered animal that eats only endangered plants?